1. You are driving on a desolate road and see a hitchhiker. You:
Pick them up. They're probably nice and not homicidal.
Turn around, find the nearest convenience store, buy eggs, turn back around, drive
back to the hitchhiker, open the window, and throw the eggs at him.
Think about the first episode of the "Twilight Zone."
I don't drive. I get driven.
2. A beautiful person of the sex that you're attracted to approaches you at a bar. You:
Act suave; you've been here before.
Spill your drink and run away!
Get a little nervous, but go with the flow.
Bar? Why would I be talking to someone in a bar? I love you, honey!
3. Complete the following analogy. Baseball:Tangerine :: Emilio Estevez's left shoe:
French fries.
Triceratops.
Fermat's Last Theorem.
I'll cut you.
4. Your favorite TV show is:
Bear in the Big Blue House.
Bear in the Big Blue House.
Bear in the Big Blue House.
Bear in the Big Blue House.
6. Which of the following spices up a party the most:
Pinata.
Tequila.
Bruschetta.
Anything ending in "a," except la policia.
7. Which movie character best describes you:
Michael Corleone. I'm the consummate businesman.
Keiko, aka Willy from "Free Willy." I'm a docile killer whale.
Bob Barker in "Happy Gilmore." I am a fake version of my already-famous self.
Beaker from the Muppet movies. I'm an incomprehensible, stuffed scientist.
8. Paper or plastic?
Paper.
Plastic.
I'll need to consult Karl Rove.
What was the question again?
9. Which movie is this from: "Mom, I started out as one in a thousand. Now I'm one in twenty."
Passenger 57.
Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo
Rad.
Finding Nemo.
10. The _________ is the powerhouse of the cell:
Splenium.
Nucleus.
Olfactory nerve.
Mitochondria.
11. What will you do with the result of this quiz?
Immediately post it on your blog and tell all of your e-friends!
Get a tattoo of your results.
Radically change your life as a response to learning that a web quiz can determine your true self.
Give a half-hearted chuckle; pass out.
12. ?
Lace.
Silk.
Cotton.
Commando.
13. Your taxi fare comes to $4.50. You have a $5 bill, a $1 bill, and two quarters. You give the driver:
$4.50. Just call me Mr. Pink.
$6.00. He smiled at me.
$5.00. Over 30% in tip? Are you kidding?
I gotta consult my tip chart. Hold on.
14. Which one of these doesn't match the others?
Sgt. Maj. Dickerson.
Montesque Garlick.
Peter Lemongelo.
Dan "The Man" Levitan.
15. Tiger Woods had 9 PGA Tour victories in 2000. Who was the last to have 8, in 1974?
Jack Nicklaus.
Johnny Miller.
Bobby Jones.
Tom Watson.
16. Which has not jumped the shark?
Trucker Hats.
The Boston Red Sox.
Mister T.
Pope John Paul II.
17. Which one doesn't match the others?
Levitra.
Cialis.
Enzyte.
Viagra.
18. The answer to Question 15 is "Johnny Miller." Are you going to go back and change it?
Of course! I want to win, damnit!
You'll never know, will you?
No way, I'm honest.
No, dude, I knew it the first time.
19. What historical figure(s) would you most want to meet?
The Oompa-Loompas.
Any of the "Gorgs" from Fraggle Rock.
FDR.
Attila the Hun.